I missed out on being in fandom spaces with antis due to age and lack of posting, but I can imagine that if I had... it would have been devastating for me. And dangerous.

Ship and let ship is a philosophy more people could stand to adopt, imho. I definitely get not wanting to see some things online, but filtering tags and curating your internet consumption is definitely the way to go. Unfortunately, like you said, it's hard to find people in the middle because I guess they're just quieter and trying to ignore the batshittery.

I hope that you're partner's okay and that they got the healthcare they needed.